Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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