hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize