If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
