wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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