just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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