So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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