the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
