u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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