she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
