The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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