So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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