i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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