i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
