We won't sleep together?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
