How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
