She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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