Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
