If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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