She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He felt like a one man threesome
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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