There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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