I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
