She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
