Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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