I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
