My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
