hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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