my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
