Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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