i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize