Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
