i just had sex bonerless
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
