Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
