I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
