Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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