It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
