If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
