Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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