Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize