I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
