I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
