am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
ttyl tear gas
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
