Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
