if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
