Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
NoShamevember. You game?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
