so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
