did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
