Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
