saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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