Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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