i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
