I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
