There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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