she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
