Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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