Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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