That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
