we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
