I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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