I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
