At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
