I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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