Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize
