I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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