my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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