Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
