i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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