I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
